Don't Hurt Me
by ilovetomhiddleston
Summary: Loki hasn't been back in Midgard since... well, you know. Will he be able to maintain his dwindling sanity when he returns?
1. Don't leave me

_"Please don't hurt me."_

The words rang through my mind, replaying and replaying, driving me mad.

_"Please don't hurt me."_

_"Please don't hurt me."_

_"Please don't hurt me."_

Why they of all things were remembered was not something I could tell you. Along with the other events, I wanted them burned from my mind.

If only things were that easy.

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"Are you sure about this, brother?"I murmured, so low I kind of hoped he couldn't hear me. I didn't want to appear vulnerable.

"Yes, of course. I had Jane assure SHIELD would ascertain your return in safety and without judgment. Are you ready?"

"No," but I smirked, I smirked because it was easier to smirk and hide everything with a smile than to admit that maybe help was really something I needed.

It was too late to turn back, not like I would, though I wanted to; the bifrost was spinning as quickly as my mind and we were then abruptly airborne, light blinding me from every direction, space trickling past me like it was silkier than rain.

And then it was over. And we had fallen rather harshly, the cold dirt ground reaching us sooner than expected. Thor had gracefully landed on his feet, taking the impact with his legs. I on the other hand had of course met the ground back first, skidding across it fifty yards before finally falling flat into the sandy land.

Laughter erupted around us; I thought we were alone. Red shaded my cheeks and I hopped to my feet immediately, grazing eyes over the very familiar suit wearing packs of people. Seeing them made this all too real. _I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this._

"Thor, nice seeing you," the one I _thought_ I'd killed ambled to meet us, clapping Thor playfully on the back. He returned a smile. Without acknowledging me, he rejoined the pack. "We have arranged for you to stay at SHIELD headquarters."

"I owe you all of my thanks, but we will be residing with Jane," Thor asserted, grasping my wrist too hard and beginning to tug me away from them, to my relief.

"Oh no, we truly insist," and he eyed me, up and down; it was suddenly very clear as to why we had to stay at SHIELD. Warily, Thor agreed. Anything to get them off our backs, I guess.

We followed the agent into his car, much to my dismay. Thor was chatting with him, talking about Asgardian news and such; my thoughts were too loud to even focus on their clashing sentences. Buildings passed us as the car sped up. I hadn't been in one of these things…. in a long time. It brought back harsh memories, repressed memories I thought I'd forgotten. I should've listened to my therapist. I wasn't ready for this.

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"Loki? Are you okay?" Frigga sauntered to my side, patting my back as I sat hunched over, stifling tears. Loki didn't cry. Loki couldn't cry. "Is this about Thor?"

Speak of the devil. "Mother, what's going on?"

"I don't think Loki's very happy you're leaving him here."

Each breath was exhaled too quickly as I struggled to get to my feet shakily, not even caring if they saw my tears. "This has nothing to do with Thor," I hissed. "I don't want to be left here with him," I nodded to the ceiling; Odin's bedroom was an exact floor above us. His thundering steps could be heard every few seconds. I didn't even care if I was shouting and he heard me. There was no way I'd be able to survive being here, with him, alone – Frigga was traveling to Anaheim to visit some friends and Thor was visiting Midgard for Jane. Without either of them here to distract the precious Allfather, his attention would be drawn to his much loved Jotun son.

"It'll be fine. Stick close with Hogun and Fandral, they'll protect you," Frigga insisted. I loved her, dearly, but she was ignorant. Too ignorant for her own good.

"Yes, I'll spend every waking moment with those who loath me," I rolled my eyes and slid down the wall, pressing my palms against my eyes, wishing everything away.

"BROTHER!" Thor roared, so loudly that Odin's footsteps halted.

"WHAT DID LOKI DO?!" Odin shouted, assuming the worst. My anger felt tangible by then.

"I HAVE BUT THE GREATEST OF IDEAS!" disregarding the Allfather. "Join me in Midgard! With Jane! And Darcy! And Eric!"

Frigga smiled, beside herself. "What a joyous plan! You will visit Midgard with Thor. Glad it's settled."

"You must be joking," I chortled darkly. "Do you truly believe that the Midgardians will accept me warmly?"

"We'll arrange things with SHIELD. It's been long enough that I doubt they'll reject your return," Thor insisted, his tone final.

As dreadful as revisiting the place I'd lost it, spending a week with Odin sounded worse.

"What about my mind, mother?" I narrowed my eyes, trying to hit every weak spot. "You don't worry I'll lose my sanity?"

"Stop playing games, brother. We'll speak to Drajon. We leave tomorrow at dawn."

And that's how I found myself back where I started.

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"Is this satisfactory?" the agent smiled, his smile so fake I could taste it's plastic. Thor nodded and grinned.

"Thank you for allowing us to stay here."

"It is no trouble."

They exchanged more words, too casual, my mind wandering again, attention waning. Why was I here? Odin wasn't looking so bad. I could maybe have taken the bifrost, went with mother to Anahiem. They didn't know I was evil. Unless she blabbed; mother's quite a gossip.

"Loki?"

Thor's expression was contained, careful. He knew I was upset. Maybe now he'd realized what he'd done. Stupid, taking a criminal to another realm, one he'd already attempted to enslave.

"What?"

"Would you like to go visit Jane? Or stay here for awhile longer?"

I knew what he was saying. _He _wanted to go see Jane but couldn't leave me by myself. I still needed a babysitter.

As much as I hated the guy, I couldn't stay in one place for too long. It caused me to think. And nothing was more destructive.

So we left, and having no car to take us, were stuck walking into town. Thor attempted conversation, but being back where… I had… crap, I can't even think about the words, think about the actions, they always brought on those ugly, slap in the face lips moving;

_"Please don't hurt me."_

_ "Please don't hurt me."_

_ "Please don't hurt me."  
_


	2. Don't scare me

"Hey big guy," a girl I kind of recognized answered the door. Her eyes found me and the typical jolt of shock betrayed her fear. "Ah… you brought your brother. I don't think Jane knows…"

Thor clapped me harshly on the back. "He won't be trouble."

The girl didn't look convinced. But she let me in. I looked her deep into the eyes, she was probably fearful but it was hard to tear my eyes away. She was truly beautiful.

Jane leapt into Thor's arms, blahblahblah. It was so utterly revolting I nearly fell into a chair in disgust. Fortunately she was so distracted she didn't notice me creeping in the corner. Now that was a reaction I'd like to see.

The girl from the door tugged on my arm hastily, dragging me into another room. The only thing that kept me from smacking her away was shock. How dare she, a midgardian, attempt to drag Loki! But my head was a warzone, my mind a frenzy, memories were flying back. I repeated the breathing exercises my therapist, Drajon, taught me.

"Who do you think you are?" I growled, almost allowing myself to convert into my asgardian clothing. The helmet included. But I wasn't going to let that happen, at least on the first day.

"Darcy Lewis. We haven't officially met." Her hand stuck out expectantly, but I was unfamiliar with the ritual that ensued. We clasped hands and pumped up and down, then released.

"I'm Loki… Loki Laufeyson." The name sounded foreign in my mouth.

"I know who you are."

"Is that so?"

"Yep."

She was so breathtaking, I couldn't even stand it. I'd never fallen in love before – actually, that was quite a lie. I tried to forget those times, burn them from my memory; I wish my retina could blind every image of her beauty that constantly entranced me. Those were the days I remembered in only black and white, the days I were happy.

A loud cry sounded from the room over. "WHAT?!" someone exclaimed. The voice was too high pitched to be Thor's. "WHY?!"

Whispered conversation. Muffled explanation.

"I DON'T CARE! HE DESTROYED NEW YORK!"

What happened after that is hard to remember. I hit the floor, the bump on my head proves it. Red colored my vision, my mind was a bloody battlefield and one of the harshest panic attacks I'd ever experienced consumed me, overtook my body until I was lying fetal and crooked on the carpet, three people whom I really disliked lurched over me, seeing me practically naked with vulnerability.

_Trigger words. _

I sat up, head whirling, vision dancing. "Please." My voice was low and less than a whisper. "Take me home."

I felt so bare, like my skin had been peeled, the layers that I had tried hiding for so many years were finally revealing themselves.

I didn't go home. Not like I was surprised. I guess I passed out after that, since I woke in a bed, darkness cloaking the room. I'd been out awhile.

The door creaked open. "Go away, brother," I croaked, my voice thick with languid sleep.

"It's um, not Thor."

"Darcy?" I asked hopefully.

"Uh, not really."

"Oh, joy."

The petite brunette seated herself cautiously on the edge of the bed. I didn't bother sitting up, instead buried myself further amongst the blankets.

Silence enveloped the both of us until I spat out, "What?!"

"I wanted to apologize."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. For making you freak out."

I glared at her through the darkness. Quickly she amended her words. "No, I mean, um, for giving you a panic attack. You didn't… deserve that."

"That statement… sounds falsified," I snickered.

"No one deserves a panic attack."

"Is that so?"

"You say that a lot."

I had to bite my tongue to not reply with it.

"Anyways, I'm going to bed… I just wanted to apologize. Tomorrow we're going to the amusement park, you should definitely join us."

Amusement. I wasn't in the mood for amusement.

Softly, she closed the door behind her, silk robe billowing after her tiptoeing footsteps creaking through the hallway.

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"UP!" Thor cried, cheerful. Sunlight streamed eagerly through my window, a nice change. I stretched and leapt out of bed, feeling energized. A night away from Odin was rejuvenating. My body felt different. The weight that was usually cinched to my back felt like it'd been... cut off. I felt utterly bare and utterly free

"WILL YOU BE JOINING US, BROTHER?" Thor shouted, much too loud, the house quaking beneath his roars.

Creeping down the stairs quietly, I followed his voice until happening upon a table full of three sleepy midgardians and one pancake flipping asgardian. "I'm in no mood." But truly, my mood was soaring. Maybe it was seeing sunlight again. Maybe it was being around people, instead of a cell, instead of locked away in my bedroom, instead of hiding in fear of those who loathed me.

"C'mon, it'll be fun," Darcy urged. Even lounging in pajamas, no makeup adorning her clear skin, she was flawless.

"Eric, are you going?"

"Too much work to do."

The eyes returned to me. What better did I have to do? "Fine."

Excitement gleamed in Thor's eyes; he flipped a pancake my way and I caught it.

Why was I… happy?

What was this feeling?


End file.
